The Green Light Monster

There's a monster in my room.

When I was single, I slept in a cave. I had 3 levels of protection on the windows to keep any and all light out. There were the regular blinds, followed by a paper-like shade, followed by black-out curtains. You could literally sleep for 24 hours and never know it. And then there was the air purifier and sound machine that lulled you to sleep. It was glorious. So when we got married, it was quite a change not having all those things. We do keep a fan in the room for the soft, white noise effect, but we just have regular blinds on the windows. It was a big transition for me to learn how to sleep with a tiny bit of light!

Now, there's a green light monster that stares me in the face each night. That would be E's baby monitor. Granted, I can't complain because she's slept in her own room and her own crib since the day we brought her home, but each night I stare at the monitor, wondering when/if she's going to cry. And the worst part is I always think I hear her. I could have just left her room with her passed out asleep and when I get in bed, I'm convinced I hear her on the monitor. Its gotten to the point where I hear something thats not there. But what I hear sounds just like her crying! Sometimes I take the monitor and put it really close to my ear to see if I hear her, and it never fails that its just the noises in my head.

I'm slowly realizing that if she's making any type of noise, the monitor will light up and the green light monster will reveal itself once again. But I'm sure I'll keep staring at the green light just waiting...

Mom.Fail.

Last night E went to bed around 10:30pm. Which was not a fail and was awesome. But when she cried in the night, I looked at my watch and it said 2:30...which was not normal. She's been sleeping for at least 5-6 hours so 2:30 was just too early! The Dr said she's big enough to let her cry herself back to sleep if she wakes up too early. So, I let her cry. But as most moms know, you can tell the difference in her cries. And this particular cry was not one that I thought would lead to her falling back asleep. So I waited....and she continued to cry the hungry, feed me cry. Reluctantly I got up to check on her. Since I was up, I decided to go ahead and feed her, change her diaper and rock her. She ate like a champ and quickly fell back asleep.

After I put her back in her crib, I let the dog out to take care of his business. As I was putting him back to bed, I noticed both clocks in the kitchen read 4:52am...what? Something wasn't right. I knew I hadn't been in her room for 2 hours and I knew I hadn't fallen asleep in there so I checked my watch, again. Apparently in my sleep I had hit the 'mode' button on the watch and somehow turned on the stop watch. Apparently the 2:30 time was really the stopwatch and not the actual time in the morning...oops (or as my niece says "Ooopsy-boos).

I had these terrible thoughts that our activities during the day had caused the little one to get off her routine and we were in for a bad day. And those thoughts were followed up with thoughts that we just weren't going to be able to get out and about like I would like. Mom.Fail.

Things I never thought would happen...

I'm pretty sure this list will get plenty of additions over the years, but for starters here are some things I never thought would happen:

1. Picking boogers out of my child's nose. Yes, I do it and I'm proud of it :) Sometimes that little sucker they gave us at the hospital just won't cut it, so mommy's pinky nail does the trick.

2. Going days, weeks even without doing my hair. I wouldn't consider myself "high maintenance" however, I've never gone a long period of time without drying and at least straightening my hair. Now, I can't remember the last time I got my beloved straightener out of its home. Yesterday I was successful in blow drying my hair, but thats about it. The usual routine is shower, towel dry and put it up in a bun. Yep, I've become that girl who wears the librarian bun all the time. The best part, though, is the next day when my hair is still slightly damp, it kinda looks like I've got some pretty, natural curl in it.

3. Having a uni-brow. Granted I don't. But a few weeks ago I came very close to the dreaded uni. It had been months since I got my "eyebrows did" and wow did I look horrid. Luckily I was able to get them waxed a few weeks ago, with every intention of keeping it up with regular plucking...guess what's lurking when I look in the mirror?

4. Not having anything to wear. Now, I'll admit I've said many times "I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR" and yes it was usually in some sort of screaming fashion. But now I truly alternate with about 3-4 different shirts and the same pair of jeans. I can't imagine what would happen if I had to leave the house for consecutive days...see yesterday's post for a hint on the cause!

5. Going days at a time without checking facebook. Oh, I know what  you think, its not hard to put facebook aside...but you try it! IN fact, I went about 4 days in a row without even thinking about it! How can I stalk people without knowing what they are doing at every moment?

6. Having a male OB/GYN. Yes, I'm that girl that just wouldn't dare go to a male Dr. But when you've got your girl parts exposed to all sorts of hospital personnel (hey could have been a janitor in there for all I know) you stop caring about who's down there...your mindset quickly changes to lets get this done!

7. Not shaving my legs. While pregnant this posed a serious problem because I couldn't get to my legs. Now I don't have an excuse. Well, I sort of do. My shower is usually about 3 minutes in between feeding/changing the baby so finding time to shave is rare. In fact, I'm not sure I can remember the last time I did it. But, no worries, soon I will be able to donate my hair and my leg hair to Locks of Love.

Touche, scale, touche

I am "over weight". Yes, I have packed on plenty of pounds in the past year. At first, I blamed it on being newly married and not worried about gaining weight. At that point, it was ok to gain a few pounds because I weighed less than I have in a very very long time (try 15 years or so). But then I got pregnant. And the small number of pounds quickly added up...I used my sister's pregnancies as a template for mine. I kept waiting for the day I would become ill or throw up or be disgusted by food. Ha, guess what? My daughter is 2 months old and I'm still waiting for that day! The difference in our pregnancies is astonishing. She threw up all the time, I may have gotten nauseous once (if that). And I'm not bragging by any means. I ate like I wasn't going to eat the next day...and now my scale tells the tale.

I've gotten on the scale every couple of days. Funny story: the number HAS NOT changed. I was convinced that some of the weight would go away because of breastfeeding...NOT. My love for food and all that it is has not changed. I may be eating a little less than when pregnant, but surely haven't seen any change in the poundage!

And I feel bad for Husband. Poor guy. He married a slender young lady...now I can't stop complaining about being a "big" girl. Of course, I fear that if I do get back to that newly-married size, I'll just end up pregnant again! (Well its not really that big of a fear :)).

Did I mention that I know I'm too big, but I haven't done anything about it? Yes. I am lazy. I could blame being lazy on my infant. But she's a good sleeper and I haven't been that exhausted. (Or if I have I don't remember it.) Fortunately, I have the ability to get off the couch and move around. Here's hoping the weather gets a little better so I can get motivated!

Motherhood...and the choices we make

Such a general title, I know. But today I was faced with a big decision: to vaccinate or not. When we were in the hospital, I chose not to have E vaccinated against hepatitis B. Why, you may ask? Because I am not a carrier, Husband is not a carrier and the only other way for her to get this disease is through many sexual encounters and IV street drug use. My thoughts? If she gets it down the road, its because somewhere along the line I failed to teach her properly and she has made her own adult choices. Before going to the hospital I didn't do any research about vaccines, but I have been reading up on them ever since.

I understand that the doctor who first thought there was a link between vaccines and autism has since been disgraced and his work is not considered valid anymore. Thats fine, but I'm not willing to stop there. I've been reading all I can to learn more about this controversial topic. What I've discovered is I do not want to expose my child to vaccines, right now. I really want her immune system to do its job. I also do not want to have any risk of a neurological disorder, an autoimmune deficiency or any other disorder that there is a potential to get. I am lucky, I do not have to put my child in daycare and I do not have to worry about exposing her to illnesses that are common there. But the decision is still a difficult one to make.

For us, not vaccinating right now is the choice we've made. For some, it may not be the right choice. But I would urge all parents to first inform yourself before just blinding accepting the 'status quo'. And don't just read what the CDC says. Yes, they are one authority, but check all sources before making what should be an "informed" decision.

Good Day...

So, I'm a little new to this whole "blogging" thing, but I figured with a new baby and constant changes, why not write about it? I've got to admit, I haven't written anything in quite some time...but I've always found that writing helps me think. Weird? Yes.

So...who is Mama Hudd? Gosh, how do you answer that? Lets see...I'm a mom to a wonderful 6 week old baby girl. I know its cliche but I love her more every day and couldn't imagine my life without her. Just as important, I'm a wife to a wonderful husband. Not nearly as important, I'm a lawyer. That part of my life gets less and less important as the days go on. I used to think, hey, I'm going to be a fancy attorney, make lots of money and live an easy life. WRONG! I could care less about making any money. Its funny how a baby can change your entire way of thinking...oh wait, I'm pretty sure plenty of people told me "A baby will change your life". Guess they were right after all :) So for now, I'm enjoying just being a mommy and a wife. And sooner or later I'll have to re-enter the real world, but I'm not rushing things!