For Real Mom

As E decided to get up twice in the middle of the night last night, I started to realize, wow, I really am a mom. No one is coming to pick up their kid at the end of the day. This baby really does belong to me (and Husband of course). While this may seem shocking to some, its not that wild. So, to explain why I swear I'm not crazy here's why this isn't that outlandish:

I've been an aunt for 12 years. I've been around babies for more than one-third of my life. And because its a fun mental exercise for me, here's a list of my nephew and nieces, just for a little more elaboration:
C1--12 years old
A1--8.5 years old
P--7.5 years old
A2--6 years old (today, actually Happy Birthday!)
J--5.5 years old
I--5 years old
O--almost 3 years old
C2--2 years old

You see, C1, A1, J and C2 belong to my sister. P and A2 belong to my brother. I and O belong to my other sister. And each time I was around one of the above, they went back to their parents at some point. If I ever took any of my nieces/nephew anywhere in public, people would always comment on how cute my baby was. I would politely say "thank you" instead of clarifying. I was basically a pretend mom. Since my E has been born, I sometimes think, ok, my sis/bro/sis is coming to pick up their baby soon. This has nothing to do with me not loving being a mom or anything like that. Its completely mental (and not crazy-mental). At first, it was kind of weird for me. Its nothing new to be around a newborn. But its definitely new for that baby to still be with me! And as that realization sets in, I love my new role more and more.

Its funny, too, because its kinda weird for my siblings as well to see their baby sister with a baby. Granted, I just turned one year older and am no where near a baby, but I can totally see how its different for them too. It was strange when C1 was born, but after that it was just normal when all the rest were born. I was always the "cool" (at least I'd like to think I was cool), single aunt. It might be a stretch to say I was the "fun" aunt, but, still, I was always alone. (Please, no sympathy cards.) And now, here I am with Husband and baby E. Since I'm now a mom-for-real, its nice to have something else in common with all my family. I'd also like to think that I'm not completely crazy for thinking, every now and again, my baby's real parents are coming to get her.

"That" Mom

I've become "that" mom...or parent really.

We live in a cul-de-sac. Which I thoroughly enjoy, most of the time. I've recently discovered just how much I despise some of our neighbors. There is a young lady who lives next door who drives a rather loud car. While I've driven some clunkers myself, I understand that some cars are just loud. But when this vehicle's owner keeps weird hours, it makes me annoyed. There have been times (such as at 3am) that I've heard this particular car over the baby monitor. Which clearly means its even louder in the baby's room. Sometimes the vehicle will park, turn off and only a few minutes later leave again. And usually its at early morning hours. It does make me rather annoyed.

Then there's the 20-something that lives across the circle from us who drives an extra-loud-on-purpose convertible. And as many 20-something-year-olds, he too keeps weird hours. And not only is the car itself loud, his radio is turned up (probably so he can hear it over the stupid loud engine).

So, back to the story. Last night, Husband, Puppy, E and Myself went for a walk. We were just stepping up onto the sidewalk when a loud car came screeching down the street. It was cul-de-sac guy. Driving with the top down. With the music blaring. And thats when it happened....I yelled "Slow Down". It was at that moment that I became "That" mom. I became the old man in my neighborhood growing up who used to yell at the teenagers driving too fast. I'm annoyed with loud cars and fast drivers. And, frankly, I'm ok with it.

Turn that frown upside down :)

On Saturday (Feb 5th), E frowned. Apparently when I sneezed I startled her and for the first time that I've noticed she curled that little lip up and frowned. At first I did my best to settle her down and comfort her. And at first it worked. The little lip uncurled and she was laughing again. And then, with no warning, the lip curled again, puckered out and she frowned. Knowing there was nothing wrong, I couldn't help myself. I laughed. It was the cutest, saddest thing all at the same time! She went from laughing and smiling to frowning all in the span of 10 seconds and I just had to laugh.

And because she loves to copy me, she followed up the frown with another laugh. Its probably not nice of me to laugh at her when she is "upset", but the little lip pursed out and curled was just too cute not to.

But then with the frown came a realization: I haven't been writing down her accomplishments! I don't remember the first time she really smiled. Or the first time she really laughed. I can't believe I haven't been writing this stuff down! So, in an effort to correct this problem, I'm going to try to keep track of her accomplishments on the blog. Not quite the same as having the traditional baby book, but for now it'll do. I just haven't found a baby book that I like. So, world, my baby frowned and it made me excited!

Let's Get Physical

I'm proud to say I have worked out 2 days in a row. While to many this isn't a major accomplishment, to me, clearly, it is. I have given myself just about every excuse there is not to work out. Yesterday, the excuses ended. Granted, I almost didn't work out today because I was tired, but I pressed on. So today, I can say that I've done 2 days of Billy Blank's Boot Camp. And I know tomorrow I will be sore because trying to make my legs move this morning was quite a chore.

But I'm feeling good. Except for the fact that I'm a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. I could once work out for longer than 45 minutes straight. Now I'm resting as I go. I used to have muscles. Now, I'm pretty sure what were muscles are now angry fat cells yelling at me as I lift my arms. But, I'm starting to get over the hurdle.

And Tuesday was the first time in a while that I watched Biggest Loser without stuffing my face. Yet another obstacle I have tackled. I still can't slow down how much I eat, but I'm desperately trying to eat better. For example, today I needed a snacky-food so I went for carrot sticks instead of what I really wanted...anything but carrot sticks. But alas, I am determined to get down to my fighting weight before Husband is ready for baby #2. Ok, there's no fooling, I won't be at my fighting weight, but I'd like to get as close to it as possible.

My main goal and one that I think is obtainable is to feel comfortable in a bathing suit when we go on our family beach trip in July. I'm not fooling myself into thinking I'll be back to tee tiny, so I'm going with comfortable. So until then, I'm just proud I've made it 2 days in a row.

Hey Jealousy

I have to admit I'm jealous. Of several things really.

I'm jealous of women who can breastfeed with no problems. But I need to be a little more specific. I'm jealous of women with small breasts who can breastfeed without a serious production involved. For me, E has been a trooper, eats great and I've had no typical problems nursing, except every feeding involves a large production. Because I am severely "well endowed", I have a special pillow that I wear (literally, it snaps around me) to make it easier to nurse. In fact, without the pillow I fear I would suffocate E with the boob. It makes things easy for me, as I can have one hand free, but it makes leaving the house rather difficult. If I am going out to the in-laws or a friend's house, I take the pillow with me. Which always makes me feel strange when I arrive with it in tow. I'm jealous of those women who can throw a wrap over their shoulder and just nurse wherever they are. I'd love to be able to take E out to eat and if she gets hungry, hold her in my arms and nurse with a cover over me. Instead, I have to plan all outings around when I think she might be hungry. And if we're out and she gets hungry, I get flustered. I don't want to be the mom who has a screaming baby with her, but I know that feeding her isn't an option. So while I don't normally mind having large breasts, today I'm jealous of those with small ones.

I'm jealous of babies who take a bottle with no problem. E has taken a bottle and eaten enough maybe 4 times. And I've tried several different types of bottles/nipples. She just wants to nurse. And I love it, except when we have plans. So, for a while, any plans we have are limited to friend's houses or the in-laws. Going out for longer than 2 hours isn't really an option. And again, I have to plan my time away from home around when she ate the last time. Hopefully with time she'll come to know that she's getting food out of the bottle.

With hesitation I must admit I'm jealous of those who formula feed their babies. I know "breast is best" and all of that, but the freedom that comes with formula makes me envious. I would love to just get up and go somewhere any time I want, but again not possible. I always thought I'd be that mom that just goes with the flow and the baby would make a schedule around my life. Ha, yeah right. I know for the next long while, I'll have a baby who is essentially attached to me. But the bond we share I could never give up. So, I'll remain slightly jealous and just keep doing what works!