Warning: This post is full of me feeling sorry for myself. Read at your own risk.
For 3 days, I have been replacing one of E's feedings with a bottle. And for 3 days, we have both sobbed together for at least an hour. I have tried 3 different kinds of bottles/nipples, warmed the bottle, breastmilk and nipple and still, we've cried. And I am not exaggerating when I say "we". Because when I try to feed my child a bottle, she looks at me with those pitiful little eyes wondering why her mommy isn't feeding her the right way and screaming in what seems like agony. And in response, I cry, because I can't feed her the way I want to, I have to feed her the bottle. Usually after about an hour or more, she relents and takes the bottle. At that point we're both tired, frustrated, angry, sad, you get the point.
And I feel to blame. I knew I would have to leave her at some point, but I haven't been good about replacing one feeding a day with a bottle. So, the fragile schedule we've already built is crumbling because she doesn't eat at the "proper" time. E just doesn't love the bottle. I'm hoping by the time I have to leave her she will be better about taking the bottle. And if she isn't? I just hope her grandparents can cope with her.
Husband found me crying in the kitchen last night, like a blubbering fool because she wouldn't take the bottle and kindly told me that it will be ok. To which I just sobbed a bit more. He spoke the words that I'm just a little bit tired of: "She'll get hungry enough to take it." For all you non-moms out there, that easy to say. Listening to your 4 month old scream and hit pitches she's never reached before? Not easy. In fact, its down right gut wrenching and not really possible for a mom to bear to listen to.
I know there are other ways to try to get her to take the bottle, like having husband feed her. But how will I be ok while I'm at work, not knowing whether or not she's eaten? And yes, I know, she's not going to starve. But to me, just the thought of her crying like that for someone else breaks my heart, because I won't be there to comfort her.
Blah. Now that I've cried my eyes out just typing this, I think I'll go have my pity party now. Of course, I'd love to have a million Oreos to cure my sadness, but I've given up dairy. Argh.
Oh, Cari...I promise it will all work out. When I had to start supplementing with Addison because of her reflux insatiatable appetite, I cried my eyes out too. It is so hard--you want to do what's best for them, but their crying just makes your heart hurt.
ReplyDeleteAre you giving her breast milk? If so, you may need someone else to give her a bottle. When Addie first started daycare, I took a tshirt that I had slept in and left it there. The daycare ladies put it on their chest and tummy to help give her a familiar scent...
She will soon get used to a bottle, I promise.
Will add this to my prayer list...
Omigosh, Honey.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Does she take a pacifier? If so, look for a bottle that mimics the shape of the paci she is used to. If not, have you tried a nipple shield? Try to nurse her with a nipple shield on you... maybe once she gets used to your smell and that shape, she will be better about the bottle.