Clueless....

It has come to my realization that I have no idea what I'm doing. It wasn't that someone told me I'm clueless, it just was an epiphany I had. This new found knowing came about when I started the wee one on "solid" foods. I have read several books, articles, blogs, etc on feeding babies and the more I read, the more I have no idea what I'm doing!  E is 6 months and honestly, I haven't a clue if I'm doing everything "right". Yeah yeah, there probably isn't a right way or a wrong way, but there are SO many ways! The Ped said to start introducing solids to her between 4-6 months. My research indicated that for an exclusively breastfed baby, introducing solid foods should happen between 6-8 months. The last thing I want is for her to wean herself or me lose my supply because she's getting too much solids. So, we started with a little rice cereal. What who wants to eat that? It looks like slop they feed to POWs. After a day of having that flung across the kitchen, we waited a little bit longer.

The next week, I got an avocado and pureed it with a little breast milk and some rice cereal in it. Day 1 and 2 of that was a repeat of the flying food incident as before. Day 3 was when it clicked! She ate the whole bowl like a champ, like she'd always been eating off a spoon. But of course it wasn't that easy. E didn't take an afternoon nap. Which was TORTURE. She is such a regular nap taker it had me pulling my hair out. We operate on 2 hour intervals. She's up for two hours, then asleep (usually) for 2 hours. Those 2 hour nap times are when I get to shower, eat, work, etc. So not having that afternoon nap meant we both were frustrated.

So back to do more research I went. Lovely, knowledgeable mothers on the internet told me that I should feed her about an hour after I nurse, because until she's bigger, breast milk should still be her number 1 nourishment. Another book I consulted said that I should feed her this "solid" meal around lunchtime. But, what about her nap! Feeding her at that point would basically mean keeping her awake, which wouldn't go over well! This same book said I should try feeding her first "at the breast" then feed her the solids, then feed her back on the boob. Which I tried. Not gonna lie. It wasn't fun. She did ok, but for mommy waiting to feed on the second side really isn't pleasant! Oh and the regular sleeper took only about an hour nap :(

So...it was at this point, I discovered I put on a good show, but I got no idea what I'm doing! The more I read, the more I get swamped with information that could or could not be the answer. I swear I've done more research on being a mom, than I did in law school. But, with all that being said, the one good thing I have to report is my kid is still growing and alive! I can't be screwing up too much if thats the case right?  Clueless or not, I'm doing it my way. And I've got a happy, chubby baby that thinks its all good regardless :)

Weight Lifted...

In case you haven't already noticed, I gained quite a few pounds while I was pregnant (and even before because I was a happy little newlywed). And for me, weight has always been an issue. I try to make light of the fact that its ok for me to be a little heavy. I joke about it, but in actuality, I don't like it. Its hard to get motivated to work out like I used to and even more so, its hard to diet. In fact, I can't diet. I can hardly stop eating! And I justify eating by telling myself its ok because I'm nursing. And I want to nurse for as long as possible, so if I have to eat, by goodness, I will.

I try to have a good body image even with the extra weight. But I'll be honest. I am ready to be back to "normal". Normal being a post-partum body that is healthy. Before if ever I felt uncomfortable with my body I would make a change. Usually it involved doing something with my hair. Because weight doesn't just dissolve when you want it to, the easiest thing for me has always been changing up the hair style. Most notably, changing my hair color.

Changing my hair color isn't really in the cards for me. I can't just show up to Court looking like Strawberry Shortcake because I still haven't lost the weight! I have to keep it professional. So, a few weekends ago, I got my hair cut. My hair was super duper long. Like half way down my back long. And frazzled. My usual style was just wearing it pulled up in a pony tail. And this "do" really didn't help with the self image thing. I didn't feel "pretty". I felt like a frazzled mom of an infant who's lucky to get a shower. (Funny story, thats exactly what I am!)

But after my haircut, I can manage the style better. I can dry it and style it and feel like I look decent. I know Husband thinks I'm beautiful, but there is something to be said for getting other assurances. So the day after my haircut, when I had it styled, make up on my face and a new shorter hair attitude, I got a little something that made me smile.

I got noticed.

While I was walking into a restaurant to pick up dinner, some young men looked at me. It wasn't much, but they did the typical male "look", the casual glance that made me smile just a little. There were no cat-calls or whistles, but the look was just enough to add a little pep in my step. A little confidence that yes, I do indeed still "have it". Don't really know what "it" is, but apparently I've got a little of it left.

And so, with the hair gone, I'm reminded that the weight doesn't determine if I'm beautiful or not. Its the confidence I have and the person on the inside. So heavier or not, I'm still the same old me. Having a baby doesn't change the person you are deep down nor does it detract from your beauty. You're still a head turner, even if you thought you lost it :)